Limbo

The Webster's dictionary has a rather unsatisfactory definition for the word Limbo; but the limbo as explained in Catholic thelogy suits my state of mind better.

The root meaning of limbo is "boundary". While "limbo" is often popularly understood to be a "place where souls go", the term also describes and reflects theological uncertainty.

Amelia is now nine months complete - and I find myself stuck. For the first time in six years, I have nothing to do. I mean, besides raising a infant and domesticating. I sold my business at what looks like an opportune time, in hindsight. The bottom just fell off the garment export market, with the USD depreciating, margins are squuzed and spare part imports and maintainence costlier.

Now I have a big open space in my career house - and it can swing many ways. When Amelia was a nameless or rather a this name or that name one month infant, I felt the deep itch to start some business again. I even interviewed for collabrative ventures in event management and maternity clothing line. But then she got bigger and contrary to my expectation, much more work. Though nobody else was surprised when I called and said 'guess what, I cant work with a two month old on hand'.
But now I really am ready - I'm slightly envious of people putting on their suit-boot and striding off to achieve big big things in the corporate world, though not the commute on the way to corporate world so much. I actually feel like a six year old again, when I could be anything I wanted to be - a dancer, a teacher, a actor, a writer... though not so much a teacher now, nor really an actor.. and dancer, me??? So I'm thinking, thinking...

Official Church teaching remains that the status of these souls (who don't seem to deserve hell, yet cannot follow the divinely-revealed path to heaven) is in limbo -- in other words, their fate cannot be determined.

And then my physical state of being - I am dealing with the post-natal weight everyday. Working out and watching my diet as much as possible if it wasnt for those damned girly lunches and those bitty (Beer-kitty) parties I have to attend.
So yes, finally the pregnancy clothes hang on me, and I had a great time purging my wardrobe of them. But none of my old stuff fits yet. So after the Great Wardrobe Purge of last week, I have a sum total of 5kurtis and 5t-shirts to wear. And I'm so reluctant to buy anything expensive that will hopefully be really loose in a couple of months, that I must hit clothesrack again.

If heaven is a state of happiness and a union with God, and hell is a state of torture and a separation from God, then (many eminent Catholic theologians have speculated) limbo is a neutral state, in which souls are denied the beatific vision, but saved from the torment of hell.

I alwaysa felt my life was a constant waiting - for a permanent home, a full-fledged family with baby, a sofa- set. Now I have it all, except for the sofa set, and its now upto me how I want to move ahead. I'm free and the thought is a little scary.

There is a new study out that says humans crave violence, like we crave sex.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080117/sc_livescience/humanscraveviolencejustlikesex

To quote the article:
Aggression is highly conserved in vertebrates in general and particularly in mammals," Kennedy told LiveScience. "Almost all mammals are aggressive in some way or another."
He added, "It serves a really useful evolutionary role probably, which is you defend territory; you defend your mate; if you're a female, you defend your offspring."
Even though it served a purpose for other animals, in modern human societies, Kennedy said, a propensity toward aggression is not beneficial and can be a problem
So, Gengis Khan good, Seung Hoi Cho, bad.

I'm sure this research was sponsored by the makers of HALO - it was always amazing to me why boys would want to play shoot-em-up games, but now I know. Its becos they cant get laid.

She's crawling, she's standing, she's altogether stormy

... aaah, the joys of motherhood - I discovered a new one the last month - a permanent contraction of my left bicep from lugging Amelia all-over while feeding her with my righthand.
... and it's not so much a crawl as it is baby on tummy scooting forward, arm1,arm2, bottom wiggle and REPEAT. She gets everywhere and the chairs I have been planning to order so everyone will have some sort of place to rest their butts when they come over seems, again a distant possibility.
.... I visited this new pre-scool thats opened up in Laxmi Ind Estate, called L'ecole montssori - it seems really exciting but need to take husband so he can approve before I book Amelia into it to start in october. I'm already having visions of me in my hot-mamma jeans (by then, i hope) dropping her off, before I finally start work again. YAY!!

Bharat Ratna

And I shall also throw my hat in the ring and nominate my maid Indumasi for the Bharat-Ratna - for putting up with Amelia the infantwith the mostest!!! She has not had a full night's sleep in thelast 9 months... and she still dishes out poha with a big black-toothed smile every morning. plus she thinks i'm at my target weight already. How award-worthy is that!!

Amelia is now crawling and chasing chappals and dust-balls for the last three days and I've been chasing her before she eats the contents of the dust-bin... if this doesnt help me lose weight I'm joining an ashram with Madonna. We'll invite John also and discuss PETA.

I have a cheese tooth, not a sweet tooth - unless its cheesecake - a win-win situation - I went with the husband to HYPER last weekend and in my Jamie-Olivered frenzy bought six different types of cheese - goat, flavored gouda, mozarella, parmesan. I wanted to attempt to make ricotta gnocchi, but ricotta was unavailable and the alternative potato is a carby-no-no-item in this household, so the cheese are in the freezer. Till I saw Bourne Ultimatum where the bad guy orders heart healthy omlet with goat cheese - so I've been sneaking goat cheese into my brekky each morning. I mean its heart healthy right? And i have probably been stressing out my heart with all the running.